Abundance in a time of scarcity

I have enough...

-I have money to pay my bills, even though costs keep rising
-I have a warm house.  Even though it's drafty, we have heat, blankets, warm water, and the warmth of our love
-I have my family and our love is strong
-I have security--in my job, in our finances, in protection for the "what ifs", even if I don't always realize it
-I have the loving presence of God to guide me and to help me continually realize that I have an abundance, even when my tendency is to see what is lacking
-I have enough to share

What I want to be when I grow up...

Once upon a time, I was a very self-assured little girl.  I had tons of confidence and felt that I could be and do anything I wanted, as that was what I had always been told.  I worked hard and did well in school, and was self-motivated and goal-oriented.  I knew by the third grade that I wanted to be a marine biologist.  Never mind that I have never been a good swimmer and am just a little afraid of the water.  Nothing would stop me!  I graduated second in my class and went off to my dream school, William and Mary.  By this time, I had had a couple of inspiring science teachers and had slightly altered my plans to be a medical researcher.  I started out on the pre-med track and discovered my first true academic competition.  I struggled some in my biology and chemistry classes, earning Bs and Cs instead of the As I was accustomed to, but I never questioned my direction.  Even a talk with my research professor, who gently warned me that grad school for biology was extremely competitive and I would not get in with my 3.2 GPA did not deter me.  I continued through taking my GREs, but never even looked at my scores as finally the revelation hit me--I hated research.  I had signed on as a lab assistant and spent the summer going in to the lab at all hours of the day and night to monitor microscopic roundworms.  Microscopic roundworms!!  Somewhere in there, I hit bottom.  This was not how I wanted to spend my life.  I lost all motivation to compete with my peers, who were all too happy to pick up the tasks that I was dismally failing at anyway.  I graduated, moved to Richmond with friends, and took on several part-time jobs to pay the bills.  It was a low point for me as I finally began to understand that my dreams were not going to come true.

Now, years later, I'm glad that I went through this trying time and learned many powerful lessons.  It was during those dark days that I heard God calling me to ministry, and the joy and passion I've felt for this calling has sustained me for over eleven years now.  I loved seminary, the classes, the community, the friends, and feeling like I was living out of a greater purpose.  I also met and married the love of my life there.  It's been a beautiful journey.

I've been honored to minister at HopeTree Family Services, a residential group home for at-risk youth and developmentally disabled adults for the past seven and a half years and have loved learning and growing along with the residents, sharing my love and creativity.  And yet, on and off I've felt a stirring, a longing to find something more.

Perhaps this longing is my own personal need to reconnect with God in new ways, or maybe I need to find better ways to use my gifts here in my current setting.  But perhaps that still small voice is leading me to something new.  In many ways this terrifies me.  I want stability.  I am comfortable here...and maybe that's the problem.  I resist exploring other options even though I feel that I'm not always living out my calling.

I have lots of dreams.  I've thought about counseling as I love the pastoral counseling part of my job.  But that would mean more schooling, or training and certification.  My lovely husband is getting ready to work towards licensure, and we used to think about working and ministering together, maybe incorporating art therapy.  Maybe he'll hire me someday!  :)

I've also thought of starting some sort of coffeehouse that would be a cozy meeting spot for parents and their children to play and explore.  Something like this:

http://www.cartwheelsandcoffee.com/

or maybe one that involves a space to create like this:

http://www.moomah.com/

I've even though of a name--CrEATe and Play Cafe.  I love the idea of using my creativity to spark the creativity in others, and particularly with families working and learning together.  This is another of my favorites:  http://www.playfulearning.com/Playful_Learning/Blog/Blog.html

and http://crafthope.com/ and http://artfulparent.wordpress.com/

I love the work my friend Suzanne is doing in her art studio and in the ministry she does leading workshops and bereavement groups:  http://web.me.com/slsvinson/silvertreeart.net/home.html

I also dream of writing (more than a blog).  Maybe a devo book as I've been writing for work for some time.  My husband and I have written a children's book, too, but after our first rejection letter I've become a little discouraged about sending it off again.  Maybe this new magazine will give me a chance to gain some writing experience: http://www.karismag.com/

Then, there's also my photography dream, which I've been slowly pursuing by taking some classes.  I'm inspired by http://shuttersisters.com/ and http://shuttersisters.com/picturehope/

So the dreams are there, but here I am.  I don't feel as stuck as I once did.  I don't know if it's laziness, or if this is a time of waiting.  I don't want to risk missing out on at least one of my dreams, but I'm in that land of trying to see which is best and how to make it happen.  I've learned that there's no "ONE PERFECT" path for me anymore, but now I need to learn how to take that leap of faith into the new....

Love never ends

I just had the privilege of doing a memorial service, and it was the highlight of my week.  Now that's not saying that I've had a bad week, but it was just one of those uplifting moments where you could feel the love of those gathered merging with the love of God.  God's love is always present, of course, but there are those moments when we get a little taste of heaven, where our joy makes us aware of God's loving presence in a powerful new way.

The service was for one of the adult residents in our Developmentally Disabled Ministries (DDM) program.  He was actually one of our first residents who joined us in 1992, so he had lots of friends, "brothers", and loving staff.  In all my years here (over seven), I never heard him speak, but even so, you could just sense his love in his welcoming smile.  It was amazing to hear everyone's recollections, but my favorite was that he was "love personified". 

I read from 1 Corinthians 13:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.

This is God's love, but in rare occurrences, we see it modeled in others.  Those gathered today had experienced that love in their friend, JC Davis.  Although he spoke few words, his life spoke volumes.  May we all be encouraged to live such a life of love, to "Be still and know God" and to BE LOVE to others.