I walked into my doctor's office today, feeling pretty good. It was my annual gyn visit, which I had rescheduled three times due to emergencies and, well, who really wants to go to the gynecologist? I remember when it was fun, when there was a greater purpose, a chance to see the little one growing inside of me. Now I'm four years removed from that, and if I were to find myself in that state again, it wouldn't be the immediate blessing it was the other two times. So I was feeling good, young and healthy, and was even wearing a cute little dress. The nurse asked all the standard questions after the obtrusive weighing and measuring (I joked that maybe I had had a growth spurt...she wasn't amused). Then she commented, "A healthy one. Good." I continue to revel in my youth until my doctor arrived and her first comment was, "Ah, you're almost 35. Time for your first mammogram!" And my bubble burst. You see, in my head, I'm still in my twenties. Working on a college campus, I can even convince myself sometimes that I'm still relevant to the youth of today (even when I ask questions like "What's a tumblr?" "Dub step, what?" and "Who is that [celebrity du jour]?").
Nothing in my inner being suggests I am aging, even though my body betrays me. The grays are more prominent, the wrinkles are emerging, and I've come to realize that this is the height I will always be (until I start shrinking). It's harder to get up after sitting for a long spell, and yes, I can even feel the weather in my bones sometimes. I wear out much more easily and would love nothing better to sleep for a couple of days (if only the insomnia would go away). I've become the person that used to frustrate me the most...complaining about ailments, moving slowly, and being utterly overwhelmed by new technology.
How the heck did this happen? As I approach my 35th birthday, I know how truly blessed I am. Every birthday sure beats the alternative. It just surprises me that as my children have snuck around and grown up too fast, somehow I have done the same without realizing it. I hope this new found transition to old-er age brings with it wisdom, because, honestly, I still feel like a kid playing dress up, wondering when I'll feel like a REAL adult! Thanks be to God that I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up...and here I am. I hope I'll grow into the job and calling! :)
One of the biggest surprises in this whole growing older thing is that I don't feel any older mentally! (Well, most of the time, anyway.) It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that the youth in my Sunday School class think I'm "old" when it doesn't seem very long to me since I was the one sitting in their place!
ReplyDelete