For my girl, who is now six

They say we'll miss these days, and although I argue that there are many days I won't miss, I do recognize the bittersweet twist of these moments as they pass.  It will never be quite like this again.  I have already forgotten the feel of the baby days that went by in a blur of exhaustion, and when I see her toddler pictures, it's like looking at a stranger.  It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't fully who she is now...clever, funny, articulate, demanding, feisty, and thoughtful.  How did we ever relate before she could tell me the stories of her day as we snuggle together in her bed? 

She is six now, and it seems so big and momentous.  We are out of the infant, toddler, preschool stages into the real essence of childhood.  She can read and write on her own and has chores for which she's responsible.  It's odd as I can distinctly remember being six and what it felt like to be navigating a world that was ever-expanding.  She loves for me to share my memories, and she laughs, because my life is different from hers, although we are more similar than she realizes.

We have already begun the dance of clinging and letting go.  She takes a step away, testing her independence, refuses to hold my hand in parking lots, and yet she won't let me leave her side at bedtime.  She argues relentlessly with me over insignificant details, pushes me away in anger, and then begs for time together, just the two of us.  I look into her eyes and it's disorienting.  They are my eyes, and yet behind them is a spark that is purely her own.  We are alike in temperament but I'm reminded each day that she is her own unique creation.  We are connected, but not the same.  She is learning that, and is teaching me, too.

The days are long, but the years are short, and these are the moments I want to remember forever:

For the One Who Teaches Me

Dear Brady,

You are 8!  It's hard to believe it.  On one hand, your birth seems like lifetimes ago and it's difficult to remember a time when you were not a part of us, and yet when I look through old pictures, it seems like time is stuck in fast forward.  You are so big now that for the first time the other night I struggled to carry you, and I believe we carried you almost everywhere for the first three or four years of your life because you were so tiny.  We are seeing more and more of who you really are as you express your interests and show us your gifts.  It's quite a surreal thing to help create a being, carry it inside you, and then spend the rest of your life learning that person is an individual separate and different from you.  I'm so proud of who you are, and you inspire me in so many ways to continue growing and learning just as you are.

You made me a mommy, and that will be the greatest present I will ever have in my life.  And each day, you remake me as a mother, helping me to reach deep for the very best that is inside of me.  When I fail (which is often), you show me such love, forgiveness, and grace that I'm just overwhelmed by how you have surpassed me in understanding what is important.  You teach me every day about joy and being fully in the moment.  Thank you for waking us up every morning with an exuberant "Good Morning!!"  Even though I may groan, there couldn't be a better way to start off the day.  I love your excitement over what I think are the simple things, and I'm grateful that you inherited much of your daddy's laidback attitude.  When you do get worked up, you show us what is important to you, and force us to be better listeners.

May you always be uniquely you, the person God created you to be, not who I expect you to be.  May you keep learning and keep teaching me to see the beauty in all of our gifts and struggles.  May you always feel the deep love and admiration I have for you, and each time I touch your head, know that I'm thinking back fondly to that tiny miracle baby that changed my life for the good.

Happy birthday, sweet Brady James!

Happy 8th Birthday, Brady!