Thursday, May 30, 2013

Sometimes there's an abundance

Sometimes it feels like there's not enough.  The to do list is too long and the time is running short.  There's pressure and stress and everything feels not good enough.  The bills are piling up while the checking account runs low, and we go into debt just to pay taxes, and worry what will be next to break.  Sometimes my energy and confidence is lagging and I feel not good enough as the kids throw the same old tantrums and I respond in the same old unhelpful ways.

Sometimes, though, it feels like there's an abundance.  A breakfast meeting results in a new friend, and every path I take leads to another friendly face.  In spite of the stress that plagues me, there seems to be a silver lining of hope, and my spirit feels a little lighter as John and I joke about our worries together.  As I clean out closets at work, some of the clutter within me shifts, and I feel more open to possibility.  I dust myself off and walk out into the beauty and warmth of the sunshine and imagine that the light will go on forever.

Life goes round and round at a dizzying pace, circling between fear and trust.  It's so much easier to believe the lie that there is not enough, and if I look I will find evidence to support it.  And yet, there is so much more than I can even embrace.  There is so much hope and beauty and love in the world, and it gets displayed in such creative ways.  I believe in a God that showed love through the miracles of turning water to wine when there appeared to be a shortage, and multiplying bread for a starving crowd.  God's ultimate act of abundance, though, was through the gift of Immanuel, "God with us", and the reminder of God's continued presence through the Spirit.

"The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5

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