Just another day in "paradise"

The anticipation of Christmas is over.  The wrapping paper mess has been trashed, and the toys are either strewn about the house in various stages of play or abandoned with disinterest.  The tree is still up, but we spend less time laying around looking up at the lights and remembering the meaning and memories of the ornaments.  We've survived lots of travel and family get-togethers.  We long for rest, but instead spend our days breaking up the inevitable fights and making those dreaded Rainbow Loom bracelets (let's face it, no matter how well you make them, they are still ugly rubber band junk).  A long week lies between us and the return of our regular schedules.  They call it "winter break", but those with children understand that there is no real break for the parents.  I've found myself muttering the question, "Jesus was born for this?" a couple of times.

I'm grateful, though, that each year gets a little easier in some ways.  Though each stage and phase has its challenges (and boy, we're having some big ones right now), I'm glad that our kids can tell us what they want and need, and they still are young enough to be drawn into the wonder and joy of the season.  We keep things simple as it's such a busy time, and as a minister, my schedule is pretty hectic.  The gifts are limited (at least at our house), and our traditions include making cookies, filling a shoebox with Christmas gifts for another child, driving around to see the Christmas lights (eating McDonald's food afterward...the kids' favorite part), and participating in our church's Christmas Eve service.  This year we planned well, taking the kids out of school for a week as my crazy semester ended, and went on a week-long Disney Cruise.  It was our second one, and we learned on our previous one two years ago that it's the ideal vacation for us.  It's hard for me to slow down and get in vacation mode, and our kids aren't the best travelers as they demand lots of attention.  Most trips end up being exhausting and frustrating for John and me.  But thanks to Disney's attention to detail and their great children's activities, we were all able to enjoy some fun and rest.

Lest you think it was perfect, however, I have evidence that you can change your surroundings without changing your reality:

Meltdown in the Bahamas (trip 1)

Crying over her cupcakes (trip 2)

Apparently, it's hard to be 5...even on a cruise ship.  My initial response to their meltdowns was anger.  We have spent two years and lots of money preparing for this dream trip, only to have ungrateful responses from our children.  And yet, as I reflect upon it, I often fall into the trap of magical thinking.  Throughout my life, I've often thought, "If only __________ would happen, then I would be happy."  The circumstances have changed (finishing school, getting married, finding a job, having kids), and yet the perfect happiness I imagined never lingered.  There was always a new set of obstacles and a new goal to reach.  I have a picture in my head of how things should be, and instead of being grateful for the way they are, I still compare them to the picture and find what is lacking.  It's no different here at home or on a cruise. While Disney is in the business of creating magical experiences, they can't create miracles.  We will all get tired, hungry, and grumpy and resort to our default behaviors (for me, apparently it's anger when I feel disappointed).

While I become frustrated with my kids' reactions, I see my own childishness reflected back at me.  As much as I harp on gratitude with them, my responses do not teach them the value of contentment.  As I push them to tears on my quest for the perfect family photo, I'm trying to create a false image instead of appreciating the beautiful (and messy) reality in front of me.  I guess that's why I hang onto these meltdown photos (although my kids will hate me for it one day).  On the bad days, they remind me that we've been there before, and on the good days, I can laugh and celebrate how we've made it through (for the time being).  The secret to happiness, I'm finding, is realizing that it is not outside of you (in a certain place, activity, or relationship), but having the eyes to see the beauty in what is right in front of you (and not the picture in your head).  It reminds me of a country song I liked years ago because it spoke truth to our life:


                                        "Just Another Day In Paradise" by Phil Vassar

The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things

Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Well, it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

For just another day in paradise
Well, it's the kids screaming. The phone ringing
Just another day
Well, it's Friday. You're late
Oh yeah, it's just another day in paradise

One Word for 2014

I've had enough.  

I had enough of my inability to appreciate the beauty in front of me.  Instead of looking through critical eyes, I will choose gratitude and joy.

I've had enough of my impatience and the way it comes out in childish arguments with my own children.  I will listen empathetically and return their frustration with love and peace.

I've had enough of reminding my kids to "use their words" instead of melting down.  I will take my own advice and ask for what I need instead of being and martyr (and making everyone else suffer for it).

I've had enough of dreaming about things and yet not believing enough to work to make them come true.  I will choose courage over fear and take new opportunities to learn and grow.

I've had enough of thinking I about what I lack, when there is abundance in my life.  I will trust in God's provision and I will carry out my responsbility to share my blessings with those who are in need.

I've had enough of believing I have to work to measure my worth.  I will remember I was lovingly created in the image of God and that I'm worthy and loved because God made me that way.

Instead of worrying that there is not enough (time, joy, patience, skills, money, worth), I will have faith that there is enough.

I have enough.
I am enough.

In this new year, I wish you ENOUGH.

Best of 2013

I'm a sucker for end of the year reviews.  I love countdowns of the best songs of the year and scrolling through friends' best books lists and blog posts of the year.  I anticipate the New Year, even though I'm way too boring to actually ring it in, usually falling asleep hours before the ball drops.  But I love the hope it brings--a new start, a fresh beginning, like the potential of all the blank pages of the journals I start.  Granted, the journals collect on my desk unfinished, along with the resolutions and intentions I persist in setting.  But as we talked about in my Sunday School class this week, it's okay to have areas of incompletion in our lives.  As much as the young Jenny thought there would be a day when I would "have it all figured out" and truly feel like a capable and mature adult, I'm starting to realize as I get closer to 40 that it isn't likely to happen.  Instead, as I wait for God to complete me, I need to be okay with where I am in the ever-evolving process of growth.  There are changes I can work towards, but I need to also seek contentment in the incompleteness and imperfections of life as it is now.

As I look forward, I also look back on a year that has been full of opportunities, and also stress.  I have been challenged to grow in the job I love, which has demanded a lot of my time and energy.  My family has been wonderfully supportive, but I can also see where I need to swing the balance back to devote more of myself to my relationships with them (and developing more patience with the challenging phases the kids are in...there's something about the odd numbered years for us: 1, 3, 5, 7.  I'm glad they'll be turning even numbers early in the year!).  Thanks to the growth of John's business and his care of the kids and home, we've been able to maintain our schedules and also had a great family vacation to end the year.  While my extended family has had health set-backs, it's given us a chance to reach out more and strengthen relationships with them while offering assistance (John has been my hero in this).  I've had the chance to grow as a writer through this blog and through three published essays:

http://www.helwys.com/books/divine_duet.html

The Modern Magnificat: Women Responding to the Call of God

http://burnsidewriters.com/2013/05/01/a-time-to-die-and-a-time-to-be-born-time-sensitive/


Thank you for reading and for your kind comments and encouragement of this lifelong dream.

Here are some of my favorite things from this year, in no particular order:

Movies:
(I'm not a very avid movie watcher, and most of the ones I do see in the theater are kids' movies.  My favorites just happen to be ones I've watched recently during this break, and I hardly remember others I've seen.)

"Saving Mr. Banks"

"Frozen"

"The Hunger Games: Catching Fire"

"Despicable Me 2"

(Still want to see "The Book Thief")

Books:
(I usually read about 100 books a year, but according to my Goodreads records, I only logged about 60 this year--evidence of how my workload has increased).  Here are some I particularly enjoyed:

Fiction--

The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving: A Novel by Jonathan Evison

Wonder by R. J. Palacio

The Last First Day: A Novel by Carrie Brown

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Ministry/Religious/Inspirational--

Christianity After Religion: The End of Church and the Birth of a New Spiritual Awakening by Diana Butler Bass

A Million Little Ways : Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live by Emily P. Freeman

Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women by Sarah Bessey

Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Melton

Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott

Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner & Saint by Nadia Bolz-Weber

Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes by Shauna Niequist

Hopes and Fears: Everyday Theology for New Parents and Other Tired, Anxious People by Lee Hull Moses and Bromleigh McCleneghan

Monoculture: How One Story Is Changing Everything by F.S. Michaels

Blog posts from others:

How the Hidden Dangers of Comparison are Killing Us {and Our Daughters}: The Measuring Stick Principle (Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience)

Little Girls, Get Up!  Get Up and Eat!(Glennon Melton, Momastery)

The Pursuit of Enough: When God Makes it Beautiful (Micha Boyett, Mama Monk for Pantheos)

Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom (Lea Grover for Huffington Post Parents)

In Which (love looks like) an Empty Parking Lot (Sarah Bessey)

"All Right, Then, I'll Go to Hell" (Rachel Held Evans)

In addition to these, I regularly enjoy writing by Katherine Willis Pershey  and MaryAnn McKibben Dana, along with the blogs of my friends Linda Moore and Julie Ball.

My most popular blog posts of 2013:

When Baptist Women Go Wild

Empowering the Good Girl: A Disney Princess I Can Get Behind

Art and Vulnerability

Being a Sanctuary for Others (part of my 31 days of Sanctuary series)

Watching Her Sleep

Birth Pangs in an Empty Womb


As we enter 2014, this is my prayer:

May we let go of the old things that have weighed us down and held us back, while reaching for the new promises that lie ahead.  May we always trust that we are lovingly created in God's image, that we are enough and have enough to meet the challenges of the present and the future.  May God guide us all forward into the ever unfolding Story, and may we delight in each new page along the way.  Blessings, my friends.